Day 13

Went to the barn late this morning, hoping that the horses had already been fed. They weren’t. It was almost lunch before I got in the saddle. I was going to try trotting in the round pen and realized my pant choice was too slick for me to keep a solid seat. Then my 2 youngest were being a pain. Jessie Lea put my phone in kids mode and I couldn’t even get it off the damn game she left it on, without permission to use my phone. So, now I am in the saddle and pissed. Kids mode does not turn off when you turn the phone off or restart it. I ended up riding out of the round pen before I was ready to go talk to her. It was 80 something degrees and she is sitting in the van with the windows rolled up! By then I was very upset. Not sure if it was because I ended up over in the area where my mare always misbehaves or if she was feeling my aggravation but she decided she wanted to go into one of the open paddocks.She throws her fit hopping up and throwing her head around. So, now I am pissed at myself for not being able to ride her out of the area and not getting her to listen to me. I hop off and Hailey brings me my lunge line since the round pen was being used. I worked her all the way over to her problem area and we worked until she was dripping and licking. I then had Jessie Lea hop on and I worked them both some more.

Jessie Lea had to actually use her legs and seat since she had no reins and no stirrups, since she was using my saddle. By the time we were done she was getting good at getting her to transition from lope, trot, trot, walk. And the only reason she got on was because she knew I was mad at her.

Overall time from tacking up to hosing off was less than an hour.But she got one heck of a workout. Much more so than if she had just listened to begin with and just went on a nice walking trail ride. I know I really should have gotten back on myself but I was still really mad at the girls and their behavior.

Do they ever grow out of the constant fighting and being mean to one another? They are contentiously at one another’s throat. Mean and nasty to one another all the damn time. It is so draining, and it makes me nasty to them. I just hate our family dynamics sometimes. I truly don’t understand how they can be kind and caring to complete strangers and tell one another they wish they could slit their throats. I just don’t get it. I have talked to them separately. Repeatedly. I have talked to them all together. Repeatedly. It seems to make no difference, whatsoever.

And the husband has bitched so much about “my horse” that no one even wants to ride anymore. It is so frustrating to see the want and desire in Jessie Lea’s eyes and yet she just out and out refuses to ride, unless it is someone elses horse.  Renata will ride in the round pen only and that is only if there is no one else at the barn. I don’t think she even petted Flicka last night. Friends were more important. I so wanted/hoped that horses would help me keep my girls happy and involved and out of trouble. But no, dad is going to make sure that boys and friends matter more. Hailey actually asked me if she could ride Mr. Al’s horse today, but Al had already left at that point. Though if he had of been there and told her sure, she just sits in the saddle and that is it. Al’s horse is an awesome little mare, but she is too much for Hailey to ride on her own outside the round pen. But this tells me she still wants to ride. I am at a lost. I can’t afford another horse right now. I can’t afford lessons, which we all need, me included. Husband has convinced the kids that “my horse” is why we never have any money. So much so that they are telling me, oh we can’t have so and so cause you have a horse, or we can’t go or we can’t do.  He tells me I should just give her away. I have worked so hard to get her to where she is, on top of the matter that I signed a contract stating that I will not sell her. When I adopted her for Jessie Lea, I promised “my mare” that we were her forever home. It is a promise I plan to keep. Granted not having her would put around $400 a month back into my pocket each month. For my family that really is a lot, but then if the kids played any kind of sports I would be out that much or more a month. I feel it is a toss up, horseback riding vs. something else. Why not let them do the one they love and enjoy, the one they chose out of all other sports?  Why stand in the way of their happiness? Isn’t that what we are suppose to want, for our children to be happy?  Is the constant bickering because they are unhappy and want the others to be just as unhappy as they are? And they just don’t realize that they are just as unhappy as they are? Oh and I know, horseback riding is not really a sport. (insert eye roll here, please)

Needless to say FMD did not happen today. Water was only maybe 4 glasses vs. over a gallon each day for the past 2 weeks. My legs are reminding me that I haven’t had enough water today. Which means no 30 DRC today, because my legs are cramping. Heck even my fingers were cramping earlier.  Food today was coffee and fried eggs at 8 this morning, the flipping chips at 3:30 this afternoon, a boiled egg around 5, and spaghetti at 7.  Not a good day.

I will continue with the 30 Day Riders Challenge tomorrow, but FMD is on hold for at least 2 weeks. I thought I was ready but apparently not. Hopefully next payday I can stock up for the whole 28 days and try again. Maybe with summer here and work not one of the many stresses I have in my way, I will make it the whole 28 days again. I love eating the FMD way. It is a lot of prep and planing. No one wants to eat anything I make, so just cooking for me, which makes it easy to have food last from phase to phase. It is also aggravating to have to plan 3 complete menus because the husband won’t eat things that the kids will.

I put both bottles of wine that friends from work gave me, in the frig tonight. Only 17 more days of school left. I am sure both bottles will be gone before school is out for summer.

So, here is to a better tomorrow! Night